Get it? Got it? Done

One thing that always lights me up is when I see someone "get it".  You know, the moment when someone realizes a significant truth or reality that they couldn't or didn't want to before.  That is such a powerful moment filled with the best shit on earth... HOPE!  The kicker with most of these moment's is that they are just that, a fleeting moment. One that comes and goes with the next thing to distract from the newly found truth that probably equates to some hard ass work to fix.  Gosh, I hate that reality, frustrates the piss out of me.

Last week I got to see someone right in the throws of "getting it".  She told a story about some leadership training and how it's been far more than what she expected.  The tone in her voice reflected the difference.  She told me how "feedback" has a whole new meaning to her because of how it was presented, funny huh?  Some information she's been hearing for her entire career, finally was recieved because of how it was given.  CRAY.  She said that the feedback which came from her boss, peers and direct reports was presented to her with a bow on it, literally.  The facilitator prepped the group by saying true feedback is a gift if you accept it and let it in.  Hot damn, sign me up for some of that!  This person, normally a pillar of professionalizm because "there's no crying in retail", showed me emotion for the first time and it was magic.

She simply admitted that she "got it" and wants to change... not many words spoken will ever rival the courage it takes to say something like that.  God help me be so courageous.  God help me be an example of living with a strong core AND open to grow and learn and improve.  God help me to "get it" more and then have the strength to "get it done".

Julie joined us...

One of the reasons I originally started this blog was to write about stuff that I often take for granted but are actually things I love about the every day life. My first post was about showering, nothing like a nice warm shower. Today, I have two words for you... family nap.

We got home late last night from a magical Christmas Eve with Julie's extended family and of course we were up early upon discovering Santa had stopped by to do his thing. Everyone was happy and so was I. Julie went to church with the kids, her mother and brother while Auntie and I stayed behind. We talked religion, politics and other taboo topics because we're close like that. We met up for breakfast and then were home by noon. We still had gifts for each other so Lily played the role of Santa and handed them out one at a time. Just like Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, the laughs and smiles were bountiful.

Around 2 o'clock there was no more gifts and some heavy eyes so the kids and I all laid down for an afternoon winter siesta. To my surprise Julie joined us. She NEVER partakes in these times of selfish delight because she always has something to do. Today was different and today was magic, all 5 of the GuatOpians laid together for a family nap. All was calm, all was right.

And now we eat.

A vacuum and some boogie...

My Christmas started this morning with a quick little exchange of a few gifts before we headed to Chicago. Each kid got a little something and Julie thought that would be that knowing I am notoriously bad at buying gifts. I stood up and said, "kids come with me" to Julie's dismay. As we headed down stairs Lily looked up at me and said,
Dad, did you actually get mom something?...
Yep...
Yeah Daddy, good job! What did you get her?...
A vacuum...
Wha? A vacuum? Dad, that's for cleaning. Mom likes things that sparkle like jewelry...
{I paused for a second, totally second guessing myself but replied confidently}
No, it's a REALLY special one, she'll love it!

Sure enough she squealed with joy (probably because the date on the gift recent was a good 2 weeks ago and I actually got her something, albeit a vacuum - I love my wife). I pulled another gift (Apple TV) from behind my back to complete my 1-2 punch.

We took our time getting ready, loaded up the car and hit the road around noon. If I told you I used to dread these trips to Chicago I'd be understating my feelings. However, they've actually become really fun family time. Over the years we've learned OUR way. The kids like their shoes off, something soft to snuggle with, water bottles, books, and something under their seat so there feet don't just hang (sans Stella, she props her feet up on the back of my chair). They truly love the time, to them it's a magical adventure and to me it became that too.

As I'm laying here on my MIL's couch, I can't help but think how lucky in am things have changed, I have changed. Our time here isn't always good, probably hardly ever, but to my kids it's a magical adventure. I think I'll live there, in that thought, why not? I'm learning from them that what attitude I bring to the Chicago table matters. Miles summed it up best, "Dad, I love staying at Oma's. It's like a party!" With that, lets boogie...

Body and Soul Regulations...

It's been a really weird couple of days.  I guess you could say that for most days that are out of the norm, but these are different.  I came home Tuesday from work and within an hour was laying in bed under multiple blankets shivering.  I can't remember the last time I had a temperature like that, nor what it feels like.  It's really quite bizarre, your body is burning up but you feel like you're freezing.

I looked it up and the best I could understand is that your internal thermostat considers 98.6 normal and externally regulates accordingly.  So when you're out in the cold it tells your body to shiver and warm up, when you're hot it tells the sweat glands to activate and help cool you down.  However, when your temperature gets out of whack, your internal thermostat now considers that the new normal and then basically regulates the same way. In my case it was saying "normal" is 103 so I better shiver and warm up because my skin is cooler than it should be.  Crazy right?  What's also just as cray is that when your fever breaks and you start sweating, it's because your skin temperature climbs high enough from all of the shivering and blankets while your internal temperature starts to drop, so the signal to the system is to sweat and cool yourself off.  Cray cray.  I love how the body works, so purposeful, it's hard to comprehend anything other than a Creator had much to do with it all.

Then Wednesday I got a couple of calls in the morning that I missed but caught up with me later.  The short of it is that a friend's 15 year old daughter committed suicide.  When the words came out of my wife's mouth I thought maybe she said, "Blah, blah, blah, blah" so I shook my head and asked her to repeat it.  She obliged and added, "I'm really sorry."  I've spent the last 24 hours trying to understand why stuff like this happens, how will my friend ever survive and what in the world could I possibly do.

All the answers I come to suck, I hate life's truths sometimes.  Shit happens because it just does.  My friend will only survive in some ways, a part of him died and he will hurt for the rest of his life.  I can do absolutely nothing for him to take away the pain.  Knowing this, I sent him a text saying, "I'm so sorry Jim." He replied awhile later with, "Thanks David, send prayers." I have to tell you that response was a tough one for many reasons.  I didn't send my thoughts to be thanked for them and so I felt selfish. Then he asked me to "send prayers." Of all the things one could need in times like this, he was asked for prayers.  Prayer by definition is a deliberate invocation that seeks to activate rapport with (in this case) God. He asked that I call on God for him... humbling request.

So as I've been coming out of the fog of being sick and shock of the news, I've been faced with some deep questions of my own.  Is the Creator who made my body the same God Jimmy wants me to pray to?  For years now they've been very separate to me. Is it possible that our souls were designed as purposefully as our bodies?  Is it possible Jimmy's internal thermostat on his soul is out of whack and crying out for some type of regulation from the same creator who built our bodies to do it naturally?  Maybe, probably, hopefully... certainly not an answer I have right now.  But what I do know is that I love my friend more than my desire to be sure so tonight I send a prayer.

enCOuRagEment...

So my week hadn't started off all that well.  I'm not sure if it's the holidays or my job or me... check that, it's just me.  Yesterday I got someone else's shit dumped on me first thing, then heard about some serious shit another is dealing with, and add on my own shit and it's a pretty good recipe for a shitty day.  However, there were 3 moments that seared / saved me yesterday and another already this morning.  I'm guessing the "senders" might not even know they helped, but I sure felt it.  They gave me enCOuRagEment - a fucking magical thing if you let it in.

The first came from a long-time rudder building courage in me to write more - check.  The second came from a strong professional who is growing in confidence regardless of title - crazy growth happening with this one - she reminded me of the big picture and how we've had a great year considering all the shit that's been thrown our way. In fact, I went into her office again this morning for just a little more of that and it flowed naturally.  The third came from my oldest friend and confidant, one who has been with me through it all, literally from the beginning.  He reminded me, as he often does because it's his tendency that all's good.

For me, my tendency is was that, all's not good. Rumination, anxiety, worry are all where my brain wants to go.  I've learned and accepted this within the last couple of years and worked my ass off trying to build a strong inner core that matters... to me.  What's been amazing about this journey is how easy it is to get off track and on the flip side how a little enCOuRagEment goes a long way in bringing my CORE back into focus.

What a good thing to know, what a hard thing to let in.  God help me take in more courage from others so that I can continue to grow and hopefully give a little back.

Mi-Ti, my guy...

Yesterday I went to my sons basketball game. He just started playing this year and loves it. You'd think kindergarten basketball has to be brutal, but actually they make it really fun. The kids can't steal the ball from anyone who is dribbling. There is no such thing as a double dribble or traveling. However, the ref will blow his whistle to pause the game and explain the rules and then gives them a chance to try it again.

It has been unbelievable to watch the kids learn the game with bumpers (if you will). I think the key is flow. The ref tries to get the kids to understand the rules without completely derailing progress. It made me think about the "referee" rolls I play in life and how this strategy probably has its place.

But the real purpose of this post was to acknowledge that yesterday my son scored his first basket ever. In fact it's his first point contribution to any sport he's played. The play was legit too. He got an inbound pass right by the basket, turned and faced the rim, swoosh - all net! I got a smile and a thumbs up, he got a fist pump.

Thank goodness for Mi-Ti. He's everything I've ever wanted and dreamed of in a son. He's happy, hungry to learn, loves to play, and has an unwavering determination to figure stuff out. I have a feeling he might just be greater than I know so God help me bring more flow to how I parent him: give him chances and opportunities to retry and learn as he (not me) goes.

7 1/2...

So I just hung out with my 7 1/2 year old daughter before bed. That can be some of my favorite times with the kids. Tonight, Lily was in rare form.

Somehow we got on the topic of "things she used to be afraid of but no longer is"... Public toilets, being in the car not in her car seat, eye drops, cleaning her ears, cutting her nails to name a few of my favorites. Then I switched it up to writing down the things she loves... Buggy, Happy, purps, mini, ginny, flank steak, JANIE, family, God, Santa. She began telling me about a rumor going around that parents are Santa and they actually eat cookies and drink the milk. I asked what she believed and she said she believes in Santa but the rumor could be kind of true. I told her I believe that Santa is the spirit of giving and part of his magic lives in all of us. She really liked that and quickly moved on.

Since we were sharing our beliefs, she told me the one thing she believed more than anything, "all people, thieves and vandals, have goodness in their hearts." She explained how it might be really small and really deep inside, but EVERYONE has a little good. Did I mention she is 7 1/2? She then explained how conversely, people like her who are sweet, kind and thoughtful need a little sass too otherwise you might be a bystander and not an upstander.

God help me to pause more and spend time being present with my kids. Listen, learn, laugh and love. Practice being an upstander like my daughter, see the good in others like my daughter, believe like my daughter. Did I mention she's 7 1/12? God help me.

Damn life...

So I asked a relatively new hire to tell me about how he came to work with us because this guy is something special and I needed to know more. Sure enough, the story was as special as him.

While still at his old job, a company had tried to lure him away by basically creating a position for him. The timing wasn't right, it was in Chicago and all in all he was happy, so no need to change. Fast forward a year or so later and being contacted once again, but this time he's unemployed. They reminded him that this position was literally created for him. Threw everything and the kitchen sink at him: title, money, dream job. One big problem, his dream job was not aligned with his dream life.

Obviously relocating is a seriously big deal, but then again so is being handed your dream job on a silver platter. What would I do? I hope this... After lots of conversations with his wife, it came down to the night before he had to let them know. He said the discussions were different than before, a lot less passionate, more serious, thoughtful and "real", the good shit.

It's obvious what the decision was but what seared me was his 'why', something even his wife was surprised by. Remember, he said that night they were really talking, not yelling, not overly passionate, they were going deep, major gut check time. His wife described how their future might play out with her parents who were getting older. Because of this, the decision was clear, his dream job was going to compromise his dream life.

The next day she had come to support him and agreed to "make it work", however he let her know he had already decided to not take the job. When he was telling me this story, my mouth was wide open in shock and silent in awe (rare, I know). He said that after he called them to decline the position, he got emotional - his dream job vs. dream life. Damn life, a person of that character deserves both.

Still in awe, he smiled at me and suggested he was glad it all worked out the way it did. Not sure how that can be true but I've got no reason to doubt. I do have reason to take this opportunity to learn about what it takes, how hard it can be, to live your dream life. And I do have responsibility to not take his choice for granted and be as committed as he is, and several others in our division, to making the hard and right choices.

People like these are what keep me going, God help me to have this courage and strength when facing such a big decision. God help me to be aware and awake so that I give back as much to others as they have given to me.

Ride the wave...

One thing I'm glad I learned is that with change comes a little bit of chaos.  Accepting this concept helped me embrace the "pain" of change because by definition, change disrupts, re-routes, alters - all of which usually has a domino effect and cascades into some variation of "CRAY". My tendency prior to learning this concept was to try and settle things down, get them back in order, manage/control the situation. Now, I ride the wave.  Its not easy and I'm not great at it (yet) but I am getting better.

This learning helped me at work and home.  At work, it gave me the courage to make changes that I knew would be painful and cause a lot of CRAY, but what we're starting to see grow from the change is already making us stronger, smarter, more diverse and able to go farther than I originally thought.  At home, I've become a better husband and father because I changed, not them.  I embraced my contribution to the "pain" most marriages have and chose to change.  That created some CRAY internal chaos in my head.  I forced myself to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions, who am I really and how far is that from who I want to be.  Then, I asked others (mainly my rudders) what they saw and that was when it got CRAY-CRAY.

Today, I'm sitting at the island in my kitchen on a Monday afternoon.  So what right?  For me, this is a much needed change.  Life with 3 kids is CRAY-CRAY-CRAY. There are times when I need to be flexible with work so that I can be around to help when one more CRAY comes into play.  Today, that's getting the furnace replaced... today, it's a sick wife who needs a little break in the middle of the day... today, I leave town for a couple of days.

Today was hard trying focus when my daughter wants to watch Kung Fu Panda and my son wants to play Legos. Today I saw how CRAY life is at home and how my "re-entry" into the family unit after work needs to be purposeful and seamless, not disruptive.  Today, I rode the wave and I liked it.

Rudders

Last week I was reminded by one of my "rudders" that I still have a lot of work to do and probably always will. You see, three years ago I realized that I was far from being the person I thought and farther from living the life I wanted. If I was going to change, I needed a few people in my life to help keep me on course, hold me accountable and tell me the truth I can't see.

Having "rudders" is hard because you have to trust them so much that when they tell you things you don't like, don't believe, don't want, you still listen and change. This was such a tough thing for me to do because I was "built" on learning and figuring things out all on my own. However, 'on my own' usually creates blind spots, here's one...

After months of rinsing and repeating, I finalized version 1.0 of my LIFE opus. A critical realization I had while working on it was that I had to prioritize myself if I was going to be the husband, father and friend I wanted to be. The three critical pieces of prioritizing my self are: 1) seek wisdom and truth, 2) live with purpose, courage and an open mind, 3) continue learning, evolving and growing my mind and body.

Fortunately one of my rudders really read my opus and took his role in my life to heart. He reminded me that I say it's important to learn, evolve and grow my body, yet I was not. This is why rudders are needed and they suck. He was right, I was not doing the thing I wrote to live the life I want. I committed to him that I would either write down specific things that I will actually regularly do to live this or I'd take it off my opus altogether. Having something written on there and not doing it is nothing short of lying to myself about who I literally am compared to who want to be.

Good shit and tough shit.

Fuxinating

Today another person at work found my blog by searching the Internet for a word I often use when describing something that is beyond fascinating, it's fucking fascinating, or as I say, "fuxinating". I suppose this was bound to happen sooner or later since I say it with such confidence and an assumption it's not only a real word but that others should know exactly what it means. Obnoxious, I know.

What's cool is that I had kind of forgotten about this blog and how much I needed to continue writing and reminding myself about the Beauty In The Everyday LIFE. For me, writing is a discipline and something I'm not very good at but it seers my brain in ways not much else really does.

And so, as life often presents forks in the road, little changes like this, I'm going to step into it knowing my writing might be read by others. It won't change much but then again it does. We'll see how it goes, this will be fuxinating!