So I had a moment this morning that I hope I never forget. Julie had to take Miles to the pulmonologist and so I stayed home with Lily and Stella. As Lily puts it, "Dad, we get to have special Daddy / Daughters time! You love that don't you?" No answer needed.
The morning started off with Lily and I getting married and having a baby from Ethiopia. I of course was a prince and Lily was a peasant girl I fell in love with - which means she is now a princess and must dress like one. It never gets old. To look the part, she put on an old dance outfit she had from last year which doubled as her tooth fairy halloween custom accompanied by a sparkly tooth purse, a wand with silver streamers and a crown.
She asked me to put on a song so that she could dance for me. It was a magical moment. There, dancing before me, was my little angel. I could envision her dancing on her wedding day and praying that I will remember this moment. I wanted to remember how she danced... she danced honestly, whole-heartedly, sincerely and lovingly. She wasn't afraid or worried about how she looked, she was "all-in" in the moment.
I have a lot to learn from my kids. Talk about modeling the way... I could be so strong. I am so blessed.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
That's the deal...
So we went to Chicago for Christmas - it's an every other year kind of deal but it's still not easy. Transporting 3 kids and all the stuff they need to survive - mixed with Santa's WAY too generous giving - covered by a really dysfunctional mother/mother-in-law relationship... and well, it's just down right hard as hell.
Bono sings "Home is where the hurt is" in one of my favorite U2 songs WALK ON. But if you've ever seen U2 live you might have heard him change the lyrics a bit. Online people say they've heard him change out "hurt" for "heart", "your heart" or "my wife and kids". Funny how those all go together, right?
Home is where the 'good' hurt is - you know the struggles of parenting in general that while they are painful, they are just part of the job. Like sleep. My son snores and no one can sleep with him because it's loud and perpetual. Poor kid already outcast by his own family at 4. So the weekend was a rotating mess for Julie and I looking for any quiet place to catch a few zzz's.
Then you have the joys of a sixteen month old. Stella is at such a tough age to be at other people's houses, restaurants, church, pretty much any where. She is into everything and if she's not allowed to do what she wants, she knows how to shriek in a way that wakes up the non-living. Hurt.
Home is where the 'bad' hurt is - I don't want to go into specifics but if you or your spouse has a dysfunctional relationship with your parents, than you unfortunately know this hurt all too well. This 'bad' hurt is a sad hurt and one I also share. My only solace is that I'm going to work my ass off to break the cycle, the rest I can't control.
Home is where the heart, my heart, my wife and kids are - kids opening presents, eating cookies, playing with cousins. Me connecting with Julie's aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a white Christmas in Chicago and it was the kind of snow that sits on the trees. Julie and I agreed its one of the most beautiful things about Chicago.
We had a fairly low-key Christmas morning and naps came a little early - Daddy joined in. After naps Julie suggested I take Lily and Miles outside and build a snowman. Unfortunately it wasn't the packing kind of snow but that didn't stop Lily and Miles from playing on a snow plow pile. Julie unexpectedly came out to join us leaving Stella with Oma. And shortly thereafter, a couple of dad's with their daughters crossed our path on their way to a sledding hill. We followed along and had a magical time. Miles rolled down the hill like a log and Lily sledded with a her new friend Kate (a 5-year-old adopted from China :-). We chatted with two parents in the throes of the 'good' hurt as well but like us, decided to go find some love time.
It was amazing how this short 1 hour event restarted my energy, took all the hurt and turned it into heart. I'm still perplexed by this even as I try to write it down now. What is it? How'd that happen? How can I get more of it? I'm guessing the hurt / heart... love / pain... poison / wine theme has a little something to do with it. This past year I just started allowing the hurt and pain back into my life and the results... the heart and love are bigger and better than I could ever hope for.
So I get it now, more than I did yesterday but probably not more than I will in the future. Home is where the hurt is and home is where the heart is, that's the deal.
Salaam - David
Bono sings "Home is where the hurt is" in one of my favorite U2 songs WALK ON. But if you've ever seen U2 live you might have heard him change the lyrics a bit. Online people say they've heard him change out "hurt" for "heart", "your heart" or "my wife and kids". Funny how those all go together, right?
Home is where the 'good' hurt is - you know the struggles of parenting in general that while they are painful, they are just part of the job. Like sleep. My son snores and no one can sleep with him because it's loud and perpetual. Poor kid already outcast by his own family at 4. So the weekend was a rotating mess for Julie and I looking for any quiet place to catch a few zzz's.
Then you have the joys of a sixteen month old. Stella is at such a tough age to be at other people's houses, restaurants, church, pretty much any where. She is into everything and if she's not allowed to do what she wants, she knows how to shriek in a way that wakes up the non-living. Hurt.
Home is where the 'bad' hurt is - I don't want to go into specifics but if you or your spouse has a dysfunctional relationship with your parents, than you unfortunately know this hurt all too well. This 'bad' hurt is a sad hurt and one I also share. My only solace is that I'm going to work my ass off to break the cycle, the rest I can't control.
Home is where the heart, my heart, my wife and kids are - kids opening presents, eating cookies, playing with cousins. Me connecting with Julie's aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a white Christmas in Chicago and it was the kind of snow that sits on the trees. Julie and I agreed its one of the most beautiful things about Chicago.
We had a fairly low-key Christmas morning and naps came a little early - Daddy joined in. After naps Julie suggested I take Lily and Miles outside and build a snowman. Unfortunately it wasn't the packing kind of snow but that didn't stop Lily and Miles from playing on a snow plow pile. Julie unexpectedly came out to join us leaving Stella with Oma. And shortly thereafter, a couple of dad's with their daughters crossed our path on their way to a sledding hill. We followed along and had a magical time. Miles rolled down the hill like a log and Lily sledded with a her new friend Kate (a 5-year-old adopted from China :-). We chatted with two parents in the throes of the 'good' hurt as well but like us, decided to go find some love time.
It was amazing how this short 1 hour event restarted my energy, took all the hurt and turned it into heart. I'm still perplexed by this even as I try to write it down now. What is it? How'd that happen? How can I get more of it? I'm guessing the hurt / heart... love / pain... poison / wine theme has a little something to do with it. This past year I just started allowing the hurt and pain back into my life and the results... the heart and love are bigger and better than I could ever hope for.
So I get it now, more than I did yesterday but probably not more than I will in the future. Home is where the hurt is and home is where the heart is, that's the deal.
Salaam - David
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Courage, hope and plows...
So I'm a big fan of shrinks, everyone should get one if you don't already. I was chatting with mine (who I foundly call MF'er because he is always stirring shit up in me) this morning and mentioned my pursuit to learn more about hope. I told him that I just started to read (listen to) "If I get to 5: What children can teach us about courage and character" - a book written by a pediatric neurosurgen and the lessons young children taught him while fighting for their lives AND how these lessons helped him get through a traumatic brain injury in his 60's.
MF'er ANDED me with another report he'd read about adult cancer survivors. They interviewed 1,000 patients to get to know who they are and what they are about. After these evaluations they assigned characteristics to each person and waited for 5 years to asses who survived and what did they have in common.
Stubborness - Hopefull - Ornary... What a fuxinating combination, not what I expected.
To me these words mean:
Stubborness = not willing to compromise, strong willed
Hopefull = open minded and optimistic about potential goodness
Ornary = set in your ways
Put them all together and I heard that the people who beat cancer were strongly convicted in their belief that good 'things' WILL come their way AND they are not willing to believe any else in the face of struggle. How profound is that! It really hit me that I need more of this in my life. I'm not facing cancer but I am facing the reality that I'm not living the life I want to live - both are lethal in their own ways.
So hear me out David - continue on in courage, believe in the good, run after it like nothing else matters, and when you feel like all hope is lost, check yourself, lean on the ones you love and plow on.
MF'er ANDED me with another report he'd read about adult cancer survivors. They interviewed 1,000 patients to get to know who they are and what they are about. After these evaluations they assigned characteristics to each person and waited for 5 years to asses who survived and what did they have in common.
Stubborness - Hopefull - Ornary... What a fuxinating combination, not what I expected.
To me these words mean:
Stubborness = not willing to compromise, strong willed
Hopefull = open minded and optimistic about potential goodness
Ornary = set in your ways
Put them all together and I heard that the people who beat cancer were strongly convicted in their belief that good 'things' WILL come their way AND they are not willing to believe any else in the face of struggle. How profound is that! It really hit me that I need more of this in my life. I'm not facing cancer but I am facing the reality that I'm not living the life I want to live - both are lethal in their own ways.
So hear me out David - continue on in courage, believe in the good, run after it like nothing else matters, and when you feel like all hope is lost, check yourself, lean on the ones you love and plow on.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Right where I want to be...
So I’m an audio/visual savant, I just am. Wires, connections, optimizational settings are oddly my thing. It’s weird, I know, but at the same time it’s even fascinating to me how I just get it.
My wife has an iPod player in her car that is unique because when the car is turned off, the iPod turns off also. The problem is that the power to the player is suspect because of terrible design – it’s top-heavy so the weight pushes the plug down and the power comes and goes. I’ve taken the thing completely apart trying to figure out “a new way” and concluded that it’s going to take a “special connection”.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and popped into the Radio Shack and was met by a young man who was helpful in so much that he followed what I was saying and tried to find exactly what I asked for. They didn’t have it, so he sent me to some mega electronics store in Brentwood. Terrible service later, still nothing. I’d lost hope and conceded that this “special connection” wasn’t possible… that is until yesterday.
I needed to make a trip to a different Radio Shack because I needed a longer audio cord for the connection between the upstairs DVR and the downstairs TV (I rearranged the basement because spacial relations is also something I love to do). As I was pulling up I remembered an alternative idea I had towards making the iPod situation less frustrating for Julie so I grabbed the player on my in.
As usual, I was greeted by the sales associate upon entering, he found my audio cord and asked if I needed something else. I shared my story for the 3rd time and told him that I’d lost hope on the “special connection” and was just looking for a “not so great, but better than what I got” solution. He showed me to the elbow connectors and when I hemmed and hawed because it just wasn’t right, he asked for a moment and then walked into the backroom of the store.
While I was waiting, I tuned into the store manager who was sharing a story with another customer about an issue he helped try to fix with someone else. And while he was going through all of the possible solutions they tried he came up with another even better one and commented how he was going to call them back. It was obvious this guy loved his job.
Shortly thereafter, my sales associate returned with a “special connector” I’d never seen and shared my story to the manager who was now done with the other customer. They went back and forth (or rinsed and repeated if you will) and I was in awe. They did the whole, “what about this” and “could we do that” and “that would blow up his car” routine – it was right where I wanted to be. Their final recommendation included cutting wires and soldering, a little out of my comfort zone, but it was a new solution.
I gladly thanked them for the ideas and requested the specs of the “special connector” if it were made by someone who actually manufactured it legally. They obliged and even made a couple more suggestions for additional options to consider. I got in my car and felt rejuvenated about the new feeling I had, a feeling of hope.
These guys were a living example of hope – there are solutions, there are ways, you just need to spend the time working hard to find them (planking if you will). They could have rested at the, “nope we don’t have THAT cord”, but instead they challenged themselves to think harder, think differently, think a bit crazily.
Thank you Radio Shack dudes, you reminded me how inspiring it is to be around innovators. I will go there from now on because that is where I want to be, that is who I want to be, that is where the good shit is.
My wife has an iPod player in her car that is unique because when the car is turned off, the iPod turns off also. The problem is that the power to the player is suspect because of terrible design – it’s top-heavy so the weight pushes the plug down and the power comes and goes. I’ve taken the thing completely apart trying to figure out “a new way” and concluded that it’s going to take a “special connection”.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and popped into the Radio Shack and was met by a young man who was helpful in so much that he followed what I was saying and tried to find exactly what I asked for. They didn’t have it, so he sent me to some mega electronics store in Brentwood. Terrible service later, still nothing. I’d lost hope and conceded that this “special connection” wasn’t possible… that is until yesterday.
I needed to make a trip to a different Radio Shack because I needed a longer audio cord for the connection between the upstairs DVR and the downstairs TV (I rearranged the basement because spacial relations is also something I love to do). As I was pulling up I remembered an alternative idea I had towards making the iPod situation less frustrating for Julie so I grabbed the player on my in.
As usual, I was greeted by the sales associate upon entering, he found my audio cord and asked if I needed something else. I shared my story for the 3rd time and told him that I’d lost hope on the “special connection” and was just looking for a “not so great, but better than what I got” solution. He showed me to the elbow connectors and when I hemmed and hawed because it just wasn’t right, he asked for a moment and then walked into the backroom of the store.
While I was waiting, I tuned into the store manager who was sharing a story with another customer about an issue he helped try to fix with someone else. And while he was going through all of the possible solutions they tried he came up with another even better one and commented how he was going to call them back. It was obvious this guy loved his job.
Shortly thereafter, my sales associate returned with a “special connector” I’d never seen and shared my story to the manager who was now done with the other customer. They went back and forth (or rinsed and repeated if you will) and I was in awe. They did the whole, “what about this” and “could we do that” and “that would blow up his car” routine – it was right where I wanted to be. Their final recommendation included cutting wires and soldering, a little out of my comfort zone, but it was a new solution.
I gladly thanked them for the ideas and requested the specs of the “special connector” if it were made by someone who actually manufactured it legally. They obliged and even made a couple more suggestions for additional options to consider. I got in my car and felt rejuvenated about the new feeling I had, a feeling of hope.
These guys were a living example of hope – there are solutions, there are ways, you just need to spend the time working hard to find them (planking if you will). They could have rested at the, “nope we don’t have THAT cord”, but instead they challenged themselves to think harder, think differently, think a bit crazily.
Thank you Radio Shack dudes, you reminded me how inspiring it is to be around innovators. I will go there from now on because that is where I want to be, that is who I want to be, that is where the good shit is.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Who am I, what I believe and the key ingrediants
Who am I:
Born in 1973, the middle brother of 5 left handed boys
An emotional, passionate seeker of wisdom AND truth
Married in 2001 to Julie, a tenderhearted spitfire AND my soul mate
Father to the world’s greatest 3 kids
Liberal AND Conservative
Hungry to grow my often fixed mind
A maximizer AND over-thinker
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A good heart but also a sinner who needs lots of grace
William Wallace and Bruce Almighty
Favorite sports are futbol and football
Need lots of work on how I argu… I mean, debate issues
Terrible chronological memory but a good relational one
Prefer to figure out conceptually how things work/relate/fit together before taking action
I love the art of dance
An audio/visual savant
What I believe:
Answers can be right, wrong, neither or both and this is OK
Absolutes are absolutely ridiculous
Creation and evolution are true
Deep change is a characteristic of authenticity
The beauty in the everyday is uncomparable to any work of art
Life is a gift from God and living it with intention is a form of gratitude
Respect is a gift, trust is earned
Prejudice is the 8th deadly sin, discrimination the 9th
No matter how hard you try to live life “right”, you can only get it less wrong
An unexamined life is simply not worth living {Aristotle}
With a cause, excellence is possible… without one, mediocrity is the best we can hope for
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage {Anais Nin}
It's not if I believe in love but if love believes in me {Bono}
Key ingrediants:
Love is magic
Imagination is the first step towards living your wildest dreams
Asking for direction is a sign you’re right where you need to be
Admitting you’re weak is the strongest thing you can do
Listen to, and learn from, our children
If you are going to put someone “in a box”, make sure it’s only 3-sided and open to change
Serving others is far more powerful than any words you speak to them
Doing things you love will lead to living a life you love
If you are going through hell, keep going {Winston Churchill}
My melody line:
Where the streets have no name - U2
These are days - 10,000 Maniacs
Clocks - Coldplay
Poison and wine - The Civil Wars
Defying Gravity - Wicked
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Magic in the weeds...
So I've been working on a house maximization project the past two days. Here's the scenario... we have one DVR but want to be able to watch the recorded shows on different TV's. The logical solution would be, get another DVR. But my wife and I are hell-bent on not giving Charter one more penny than we already do. So I started playing around with different ways to run the wires and I discovered a way that works (it's actually quite brilliant if I do have to say so myself). The kicker was finding a remote control transmitter that allows us to use the cable box remote on a different floor. Off to Radio Shack and I purchased the final piece of the puzzle.
I spent about an hour going through the steps of setting up the wires as I planned it up and all went well. However "that kicker" (the remote control transmitter) wasn't working and I was losing my mind - it made absolutely NO sense. Oh and it probably didn't help that it was bedtime for the kids and my stress level was impacting the entire family. Julie pleaded with me to stop and wait for the kids to go to bed - and while my mind was running a mile a minute, I knew that I had no choice but to pause.
After a 25 minute show, I looked at Julie and asked if she would take the kids up and she laughed while saying, "I think you need to so that you clear your head." Again, she was right and I begrudgingly headed up with one kid in each arm. I hurried my way through the routine, quick dabs of toothpaste on the toothbrushes, a request for going pee before getting into bed, into one room - night-light on, CD player on (repeat on song one unless otherwise instructed), other night-light on (same room, she needs 2) - into another room - night-light on, CD player on, go back check on the progress in the bathroom and find Miles on the pot - all's good. Take the kids into my bedroom to show them the weather for the night, they like to see that it's not going to rain - done, only partly cloudy. Drop Lily off, tuck her in and on my way out she requests that I set up her CD player to repeat all - done and done. Drop Miles off, tuck him in and on my way out. Turn off the lights up stairs - Miles holler's, "Dad, I can't hear my music!" - back into his room, turned up the volume and out I went to go figure out this problem with the freaking transmitter. "Check on me millions of times" requests Lily followed by Miles, "Check on me 20" - done and done and done.
While I was removing myself from the situation of fixing the problem and TRYING to focus on putting my kids to bed, I discovered a better way to test what was wrong and sure enough I found out how to make it work. However, it entailed plugging the transmitter in behind the couch and lucky me, it's a sectional and requires taking the whole thing apart. Surprising I wasn't too affected by this notion because I saw the light of success at the end of the tunnel. As I pull two of the pieces apart, to my shock and amazement I uncover my daughters favorite stuffed animal friend - a tiny guinea pig named "Mini" who has been missing for 4 months. The biggest smile came across my face because I knew that everyone in the house would be overjoyed, especially Lily.
I put Mini on my head and walked up the stairs to "check on Lily for the 1st of my million times" and walked into her room. She says, "Hey Dad" I reply "Hey". I lay down facing her and she still didn't notice her old buddy because of the dim light in her room. I nod my head forward and Mini falls right on top of her and she squealed in confusion of what just fell on her and then when she saw who it was she giggled the most magical noise I father can ever hear. Julie came running in, curious to know what happened and when she saw Mini, I might go so far to say she was just as happy as Lily. In fact, she ran into Miles room and got him out of bed and brought him in to see who returned. She went on to say, "I told you that Mini didn't leave us Lily, I told you she was eating crumbs to stay alive, oh I just knew she was OK" - yes this is my wife talking about an inanimate object but in all seriousness, we all love Mini. As I walked out of the room, Julie was grabbing the phone and called her brother to tell him the news. It was a great night indeed.
When I got back down stairs, I saw my project was right where I left it and it no longer consumed me or mattered all that much. I found Mini. I couldn't help but feel like this whole thing was a set up by God to remind me of my narrow-mindedness and how if I focus on the wrong things, I might miss the magic in the weeds.
Thank you God for making this one easy and give me the strength to do better next time and thanks for Mini.
DD
I spent about an hour going through the steps of setting up the wires as I planned it up and all went well. However "that kicker" (the remote control transmitter) wasn't working and I was losing my mind - it made absolutely NO sense. Oh and it probably didn't help that it was bedtime for the kids and my stress level was impacting the entire family. Julie pleaded with me to stop and wait for the kids to go to bed - and while my mind was running a mile a minute, I knew that I had no choice but to pause.
After a 25 minute show, I looked at Julie and asked if she would take the kids up and she laughed while saying, "I think you need to so that you clear your head." Again, she was right and I begrudgingly headed up with one kid in each arm. I hurried my way through the routine, quick dabs of toothpaste on the toothbrushes, a request for going pee before getting into bed, into one room - night-light on, CD player on (repeat on song one unless otherwise instructed), other night-light on (same room, she needs 2) - into another room - night-light on, CD player on, go back check on the progress in the bathroom and find Miles on the pot - all's good. Take the kids into my bedroom to show them the weather for the night, they like to see that it's not going to rain - done, only partly cloudy. Drop Lily off, tuck her in and on my way out she requests that I set up her CD player to repeat all - done and done. Drop Miles off, tuck him in and on my way out. Turn off the lights up stairs - Miles holler's, "Dad, I can't hear my music!" - back into his room, turned up the volume and out I went to go figure out this problem with the freaking transmitter. "Check on me millions of times" requests Lily followed by Miles, "Check on me 20" - done and done and done.
While I was removing myself from the situation of fixing the problem and TRYING to focus on putting my kids to bed, I discovered a better way to test what was wrong and sure enough I found out how to make it work. However, it entailed plugging the transmitter in behind the couch and lucky me, it's a sectional and requires taking the whole thing apart. Surprising I wasn't too affected by this notion because I saw the light of success at the end of the tunnel. As I pull two of the pieces apart, to my shock and amazement I uncover my daughters favorite stuffed animal friend - a tiny guinea pig named "Mini" who has been missing for 4 months. The biggest smile came across my face because I knew that everyone in the house would be overjoyed, especially Lily.
I put Mini on my head and walked up the stairs to "check on Lily for the 1st of my million times" and walked into her room. She says, "Hey Dad" I reply "Hey". I lay down facing her and she still didn't notice her old buddy because of the dim light in her room. I nod my head forward and Mini falls right on top of her and she squealed in confusion of what just fell on her and then when she saw who it was she giggled the most magical noise I father can ever hear. Julie came running in, curious to know what happened and when she saw Mini, I might go so far to say she was just as happy as Lily. In fact, she ran into Miles room and got him out of bed and brought him in to see who returned. She went on to say, "I told you that Mini didn't leave us Lily, I told you she was eating crumbs to stay alive, oh I just knew she was OK" - yes this is my wife talking about an inanimate object but in all seriousness, we all love Mini. As I walked out of the room, Julie was grabbing the phone and called her brother to tell him the news. It was a great night indeed.
When I got back down stairs, I saw my project was right where I left it and it no longer consumed me or mattered all that much. I found Mini. I couldn't help but feel like this whole thing was a set up by God to remind me of my narrow-mindedness and how if I focus on the wrong things, I might miss the magic in the weeds.
Thank you God for making this one easy and give me the strength to do better next time and thanks for Mini.
DD
Friday, November 19, 2010
Find the melody line...
So I just had a revelation and I want to write it out so that I don't forget - or better yet have a place to go when I do :-)
I read "Born To Run" a month or so ago and really found myself drawn towards the concept that generally speaking our bodies are perfectly designed to run with little help from shoes (funny since I work for a running shoe company). So I bought myself a pair of "minimal" running shoes that have very little technology and cushioning and began my journey.
Based on the information from the book and general knowledge I had picked up in my days of researching this, it was very clear that it would take some time for me to get used to running with these type of shoes - and it has. I've been rinsing and repeating (if you will) different ways to run. A little slow, a little flat footed, a little this, a little that - it felt better than before, but it still didn't feel "right".
That is until today. My achilles was sore, my breath was off, I just didn't feel good. While I was running though, I couldn't stop thinking about how different running has been for me since I stopped playing soccer. I could not remember one injury or chronic pain I ever had while running for and playing soccer. Why? What is the melody line here?
Here's what I go so far. While I was playing soccer I rarely ran on the road or wore running shoes. Rather we ran around the field in our cleats. Soccer cleats have zero technology and zero cushioning, they are strictly for touch and traction. At that moment I looked down and saw my black minimal running shoes as soccer shoes and moved over to the grass. A familiar feeling came back - the feeling I had when my high school coach would send us out on a run to start practice. I felt my stride naturally correct itself. I felt my stability muscles kick in to protect my every step. My body as a whole was working to run, not just my legs.
What does all this mean? What do I want myself to remember? The melody line is deeper than the tools or the answers to the questions... the melody line is deeper than simply "what the book says" and buying minimal shoes... the melody line lies in that subtle nuance, the subtle sense of ownership when you look past the surface and find the answer FOR YOU.
For me, the answer in this case was reflection. Reflection on a time in my life when running was (dare I say) fun and (dare I say) more comfortable. A time when I wasn't trying to run barefoot with the right stride - it was I time I was running with love of a sport, commitment to a team, desire to be great, in my heart. That, AND removing crutches (like too much cushioning in my running shoes) brought me into a place I hadn't felt in a long time. It was magic.
So David, when you find yourself struggling to get something or not quite comfortable with where you are, find the melody line - look deeper - and wait for the magic, it's there!
I read "Born To Run" a month or so ago and really found myself drawn towards the concept that generally speaking our bodies are perfectly designed to run with little help from shoes (funny since I work for a running shoe company). So I bought myself a pair of "minimal" running shoes that have very little technology and cushioning and began my journey.
Based on the information from the book and general knowledge I had picked up in my days of researching this, it was very clear that it would take some time for me to get used to running with these type of shoes - and it has. I've been rinsing and repeating (if you will) different ways to run. A little slow, a little flat footed, a little this, a little that - it felt better than before, but it still didn't feel "right".
That is until today. My achilles was sore, my breath was off, I just didn't feel good. While I was running though, I couldn't stop thinking about how different running has been for me since I stopped playing soccer. I could not remember one injury or chronic pain I ever had while running for and playing soccer. Why? What is the melody line here?
Here's what I go so far. While I was playing soccer I rarely ran on the road or wore running shoes. Rather we ran around the field in our cleats. Soccer cleats have zero technology and zero cushioning, they are strictly for touch and traction. At that moment I looked down and saw my black minimal running shoes as soccer shoes and moved over to the grass. A familiar feeling came back - the feeling I had when my high school coach would send us out on a run to start practice. I felt my stride naturally correct itself. I felt my stability muscles kick in to protect my every step. My body as a whole was working to run, not just my legs.
What does all this mean? What do I want myself to remember? The melody line is deeper than the tools or the answers to the questions... the melody line is deeper than simply "what the book says" and buying minimal shoes... the melody line lies in that subtle nuance, the subtle sense of ownership when you look past the surface and find the answer FOR YOU.
For me, the answer in this case was reflection. Reflection on a time in my life when running was (dare I say) fun and (dare I say) more comfortable. A time when I wasn't trying to run barefoot with the right stride - it was I time I was running with love of a sport, commitment to a team, desire to be great, in my heart. That, AND removing crutches (like too much cushioning in my running shoes) brought me into a place I hadn't felt in a long time. It was magic.
So David, when you find yourself struggling to get something or not quite comfortable with where you are, find the melody line - look deeper - and wait for the magic, it's there!
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Are you smarter then a 4 year old?
So the other day we had a situation in our house where one of my two older children brought in a leaf from outside, broke it up into a hundred pieces and then left it on the coffee table.
Our first instinct led us to ask Miles if he did it because first of all he's a boy and second of all his typical response when he's caught doing something wrong to questions like "Why did you do that?" or "What were you thinking?" is "I don't know." while grabbing his lip or squirming around (terrible poker player). But when we asked him, he didn't do his guilty dance and just said it wasn't him. We then pulled in our sweet daughter Lily who never lies or never does anything like this and asked her the same question. She also denied the allegations.
Game on.
We stood them side by side and said that somebody better come clean and tell the truth. Miles getting the brunt of the pressure but we couldn't break him. We started to sense some unease from Lily and focused on her for a minute or two until she came clean and admitted to doing it. We immediately asked her, "What were your thinking?" and she replied, "I don't know." - not an acceptable answer.
I took her up to her room and tied all of this event to the story about the boy who cries wolf. She loves that story and is always fascinated by the boys' daring actions to lie but also curious what happened when the wolf did come and no one was there to rescue him. I told her that next time she tells me something, I might not believe her because she had lied and not been honest and trustworthy. This was the worst punishment she could have received and was very emotional about the thought of this.
"Check" - Daddy
I'm sure you are thinking "What's the point David, get on with it already!" Ok, so get this...
The next day (no joke), I was saying goodbye to everyone before I headed off to work and said that I would be home early since I had been working a couple of late nights recently. And off I went. When I got to work, low and behold I had my days mixed up and needed to go out to dinner with some collegues in from out of town. I called my wife, let her know, she was good with it and I thought that was that.
When I got home, right around the kids bed time, Lily was loaded for bear. She very matter of factly started telling me about how we don't lie to each other because then there is no way to believe what the other person is saying. I confusingly agreed with her because it almost felt like she was giving me the business but I hadn't lied to her.
Contraire Mon Frair - She told me that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep because really that is no different then lying. Looking at it that way, in all reality I did say that I would be home early, and with good reason or not, I didn't come home early so to her, I did lie and she called me out.
"Check" - Daughter
I looked at my 4 1/2 year old daughter in complete awe and amazement because she didn't just put 2 and 2 together, she applied reasoning and context to the concept of lying and the ramifications of not being honest and trustworthy. I got down at eye level with her and said that she is absolutly right - I shouldn't make promises I can't keep and if I'm not 100% sure what I'm saying is true, I should be honest and say I don't know.
Then the real beauty in all of this was that was all she needed to hear, all was forgiven and forgotten and never spoken of again.
"Checkmate" - BITE life.
Our first instinct led us to ask Miles if he did it because first of all he's a boy and second of all his typical response when he's caught doing something wrong to questions like "Why did you do that?" or "What were you thinking?" is "I don't know." while grabbing his lip or squirming around (terrible poker player). But when we asked him, he didn't do his guilty dance and just said it wasn't him. We then pulled in our sweet daughter Lily who never lies or never does anything like this and asked her the same question. She also denied the allegations.
Game on.
We stood them side by side and said that somebody better come clean and tell the truth. Miles getting the brunt of the pressure but we couldn't break him. We started to sense some unease from Lily and focused on her for a minute or two until she came clean and admitted to doing it. We immediately asked her, "What were your thinking?" and she replied, "I don't know." - not an acceptable answer.
I took her up to her room and tied all of this event to the story about the boy who cries wolf. She loves that story and is always fascinated by the boys' daring actions to lie but also curious what happened when the wolf did come and no one was there to rescue him. I told her that next time she tells me something, I might not believe her because she had lied and not been honest and trustworthy. This was the worst punishment she could have received and was very emotional about the thought of this.
"Check" - Daddy
I'm sure you are thinking "What's the point David, get on with it already!" Ok, so get this...
The next day (no joke), I was saying goodbye to everyone before I headed off to work and said that I would be home early since I had been working a couple of late nights recently. And off I went. When I got to work, low and behold I had my days mixed up and needed to go out to dinner with some collegues in from out of town. I called my wife, let her know, she was good with it and I thought that was that.
When I got home, right around the kids bed time, Lily was loaded for bear. She very matter of factly started telling me about how we don't lie to each other because then there is no way to believe what the other person is saying. I confusingly agreed with her because it almost felt like she was giving me the business but I hadn't lied to her.
Contraire Mon Frair - She told me that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep because really that is no different then lying. Looking at it that way, in all reality I did say that I would be home early, and with good reason or not, I didn't come home early so to her, I did lie and she called me out.
"Check" - Daughter
I looked at my 4 1/2 year old daughter in complete awe and amazement because she didn't just put 2 and 2 together, she applied reasoning and context to the concept of lying and the ramifications of not being honest and trustworthy. I got down at eye level with her and said that she is absolutly right - I shouldn't make promises I can't keep and if I'm not 100% sure what I'm saying is true, I should be honest and say I don't know.
Then the real beauty in all of this was that was all she needed to hear, all was forgiven and forgotten and never spoken of again.
"Checkmate" - BITE life.
Monday, February 1, 2010
I'm mental but too crazy to know it
My world as I knew it has recently been turned upside down. A couple of days before my wife and I were going to Ethiopia to get our daughter I started to get a sore throat, feel generally sick and consequently stopped eating and sleeping. The morning of our flight my mind began taking over with thoughts of fear and anxiety -
What if I get sick on the flight over?
What if I get more sick and they don't let me in the country?
What if I get sick in the country and need medical care?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
This thought process took over my ability to think rationally especially when I my body continued to show signs of not being well. So much so that when we got to the airport, I was feeling so sick (and scared about being sick) that my wife and I decided I should stay home.
WHAT THE F*CK! Are you kidding me? Is this really happening to me? Am I really going to abandon my wife at the airport and send her to a third world country all by herself to pick up our daughter? I must be loosing my mind.
Long story short, I kind of did. For years I have been bottling up anxiety and stress in unhealthy ways that when I was faced with a "big" situation, my body shut down as a defense mechanism because it could no longer handle the load. I have ignored the symptoms of stress / anxiety and also have not coped with the issues for 20+ years. The jig is up - time to face the truth.
What's the truth, I'm not really sure yet, but I do know this. How we process and deal with life affects our health and well-being. Ignoring things, blowing them off, not talking about how you are feeling, not being honest with yourself and the important people in your life - this can all lead to your body literally saying "no more".
I'm on my way to figuring out how to live a balanced, healthy, honest life. The key ingrediant is my wife. I've hidden my true self from her for years for fear she would be over-burdened by my crazy ways of thinking and dealing with stuff. For the first time in a long time, I'm letting her into my mental world and its scary but freeing as well. She is my rock, I can't imagine not having her as my partner working through rewiring my approach to stress and life in general.
So what happened with my wife and daughter? About 30 minutes before the flight took off, up walks my younger brother Kevin wearing a fleece sweatshirt and jeans with his passport in his back pocket. I looked at him and asked what he was doing - he said, "I'm going with your wife to pick up your daughter, everything is going to be OK. Go take care of yourself, I got this." And off they went.
I don't think many people in life get to truly experience first hand what it's like to have someone save your life. But at that moment, for me, it was a life or death decision that I go or don't go. My brother dove on the grenade so that I didn't have to go there - he gave me no option - let me off the hook so to speak. Now I still haven't let myself off the hook but I do know that I have never seen a more selfless act in all of my life here on earth and to walk around feeling sorry for myself would only deminish what he did for me.
Be well everyone, be well.
David
What if I get sick on the flight over?
What if I get more sick and they don't let me in the country?
What if I get sick in the country and need medical care?
Etc. Etc. Etc.
This thought process took over my ability to think rationally especially when I my body continued to show signs of not being well. So much so that when we got to the airport, I was feeling so sick (and scared about being sick) that my wife and I decided I should stay home.
WHAT THE F*CK! Are you kidding me? Is this really happening to me? Am I really going to abandon my wife at the airport and send her to a third world country all by herself to pick up our daughter? I must be loosing my mind.
Long story short, I kind of did. For years I have been bottling up anxiety and stress in unhealthy ways that when I was faced with a "big" situation, my body shut down as a defense mechanism because it could no longer handle the load. I have ignored the symptoms of stress / anxiety and also have not coped with the issues for 20+ years. The jig is up - time to face the truth.
What's the truth, I'm not really sure yet, but I do know this. How we process and deal with life affects our health and well-being. Ignoring things, blowing them off, not talking about how you are feeling, not being honest with yourself and the important people in your life - this can all lead to your body literally saying "no more".
I'm on my way to figuring out how to live a balanced, healthy, honest life. The key ingrediant is my wife. I've hidden my true self from her for years for fear she would be over-burdened by my crazy ways of thinking and dealing with stuff. For the first time in a long time, I'm letting her into my mental world and its scary but freeing as well. She is my rock, I can't imagine not having her as my partner working through rewiring my approach to stress and life in general.
So what happened with my wife and daughter? About 30 minutes before the flight took off, up walks my younger brother Kevin wearing a fleece sweatshirt and jeans with his passport in his back pocket. I looked at him and asked what he was doing - he said, "I'm going with your wife to pick up your daughter, everything is going to be OK. Go take care of yourself, I got this." And off they went.
I don't think many people in life get to truly experience first hand what it's like to have someone save your life. But at that moment, for me, it was a life or death decision that I go or don't go. My brother dove on the grenade so that I didn't have to go there - he gave me no option - let me off the hook so to speak. Now I still haven't let myself off the hook but I do know that I have never seen a more selfless act in all of my life here on earth and to walk around feeling sorry for myself would only deminish what he did for me.
Be well everyone, be well.
David
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