Little, Brown, And Proud Of It

Today I asked Lily and Miles to stand back to back. He passed her up, he hit some crazy growth spurt and probably won't look back. Miles celebrated and Lily congratulated. She explained to me how she always knew she'd be small and really likes it. Her words were genuine and honest, they pretty much always are. Here's more validation why I know this for sure...

Friday night she had a "half over" where kids hang out until bed time and then go home. When I picked her up, she showed me a picture her friend had given her but had some perspective to add. She explained that her friends printer was running out of ink and that is why she looks "different". Not really sure what she was talking about, I asked her elaborate. She pointed out how the skin of all 4 girls in the picture looked the same. Fuxinating. I smiled and joked that is what she would look like if she looked like me and she replied, "yuck, I love my brown skin." To which I sincerely and truthfully replied, "yeah, me too."

The sense of self this 7 year old has is baffling. She already knows who she is and isn't. And if that isn't enough, she loves what she knows. I don't know if this is normal for now and eventually she'll end up doubting and loathing like the rest of us, but it sure is inspiring. She helps me be more courageous everyday. It's why one of my core beliefs in life as a parent is to first be a student of your children, then a teacher. Thanks again for showing me the way little child.

Bad words...

Lily and I write in a Daily Happiness Journal every night. It's been a really good small little discipline to think about one thing from the day that made us happy. Tonight she wrote, (and I first quote, "Daddy this is going to make you cry.") "I went to dinner with my Dad's Mommy and Daddy." I wrote, "So cool!" (making the two "o's" into the eyes of a smily face.)

She then told me about how some kids at school laugh when the word "class" is spelled because of the word "ass" in it. I was now smiling for real and asked, "what's ass mean?" Lily said "butt" while maintaining a straight face. She expanded stating that any word containing "ass" like grass, mass, sassafras makes the kids giggle.

I asked what other "bad" words she knows... stupid, hate, kill, dumb came out quick. Imagine that, those are what she considers bad. What the fuck happened to me that those words lost their "badness"? How different would our world be if those were in fact words we bleeped out on TV shows? Children (especially mine :-) have an uncanny way of putting things into perspective.

Here's my separate Happiness Journal entry:
Today I'm humbled by the wisdom of my 7 year old. She makes me a better person each and every day.

Unbearable and Supernatural

Friday was one for the books. A dear friend of mine came to share some serious magic shit with me. While we've only known each other for some 7 years, we've grown up together.

I met this person early in my professional career. I was SO young and naive and unclear and... not a leader of myself first and foremost. We went through a lot of shit together and alone. We built each other up and tore each other down. We agreed to be truth tellers and sought for that truth to come from love but it wasn't always that easy, that's where the depth of our friendship came. Truth hurts AND it sets you free, poison and wine.

Near the end of our day to day time together, things got really tough. We'd both realized one of our paths needed to change. This was not the easy choice, doing the right thing usually isn't. It would have been so much easier, and even probably been 'OK', had we not done anything at all. But that is not what either of us want for ourselves and each other. We want purpose, happiness, fulfillment, joy... and the truth was, making the decision to go after that was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my professional career.

That is until Friday when it came full circle and I saw first hand how the choice to face your fear can bring a new life. Words couldn't begin to describe the energy and change that happened in a little over a month. I couldn't believe what I was hearing but then again it felt perfect and right. My friend changed their life, grabbed the chronic pain by the throat and said "enough". My friend came to officially say goodbye but ended up leaving a lifelong lasting mark on my soul. The pain involved in facing your shit is unbearable and the courage is supernatural. I got a front row seat at this fellow builders journey and for that I will be forever grateful.

Thank you my friend and good luck. Don't stop believing that this life can give you more than we deserve and you deserve every bit of it.

Today I learned... a lot

Today I am beat, a good tired and a hard tired. I started my day with a visit to my brain mechanic for a tune up. I had been on a pretty strict weekly maintenance schedule with him for about 3 years, but this holiday got away from me and not regularly getting together definitely caught up to me. I need this discipline in my life because without it my brain will short out.

Today I learned that I have so much work to do on myself. AND that it can be depressing if my perception of that work is off: ie. I am weak or not right in the head or don't need it. Nope, I am me in all my glory, a beautiful ruin. I am not a man who wants to stand alone but have been hurt most when standing with the wrong others. Consequently, I've found confidants in my wife, a couple of brain mechanics, my brothers and my kids. They have taught me how to trust again. They are the ones who show up with me at the "gym" every time I don't want to "work out". Today, I was reminded that I need them, and a couple more, period.

Today, I was reminded how, much like working out regularly, the hard work is nothing compared to the benefits. Today, I was reminded that this path of facing your shit is the harder path, it won't be easy or fun, but it is the path a person who wants to live a life fully awake with purpose takes. If I want that, I choose the pain.

Then, if that wasn't enough to take in before 8:00am, I worked with the crazy architect and crazy furniture people to continue rinsing the plans for the new facility. I can't believe how much better it gets every time we continue going over the same things. Unbelievably exhausting but again, just the drill if you are committed to process.

I came home early to give my last nugget of energy to my family and what I got instead was the most pure love a person could ever receive. No ulterior motive, no expectations, no conditions, just them, all of them. Their presence, support, smile, hugs, kisses, laughter, play - I sniffed it in like it was the sweetest perform I've ever smelt, deep long breathes with my eyes closed.

Fruxtrations and Perfiction

Frustration is a funny thing, perhaps I should call it fruxtration. I wiki'ed "frustration" and found this:

"In psychology, frustration is a common emotional response to opposition. Related to anger and disappointment, it arises from the perceived resistance to the fulfillment of individual will. The greater the obstruction, and the greater the will, the more the frustration is likely to be."

Did you see it? There is one word that should free us all from being frustrated. It's right there in black and white and I tend to forget it more than I remember (which is why I'm writing about it :-). Ready for it? THIS IS HUGE...

perceived

Now go back and reread the wiki quote and key in on that word. Whats it say? Whats it mean? Frustration comes when there is a perception that something will stand in the way of the things we want. I generally recognize other people's perception as their reality. But my perception is something I can control if I continually challenge it. Most of the time when I have done this, I've found there was no real obstruction to the fulfillment of my will.

Remember David, frustration comes from fear, fear that someone or something is standing in your way. The way past fear is to face it. Go right into it and validate that facts from the perfiction.

Crazy train leaving the station

I'm involved in a crazy movement with some crazy people and its one of the most exhilarating projects I've been on in a long time. Last week a lease was signed. This lease represents so much... stability, belief, support and most importantly opportunity.

We've been doing our eComm thing for over a decade. We've gone from a few to a lot and now we are trying to become ONE. One group of distinct individuals who are deeply connected to the same goal: servicing customers with passion and purpose. That's it, but that's a lot when the one group is nearing 200 people.

I deeply believe the physical place we work in can be a catalyst for greatness. This belief was seared into me after I took at trip to Grand Rapids where some furniture people showed me the way. They opened my eyes to a concept that was unfamiliar prior to the trip. Imagine that, at 39 years young, I'm still learning. God I hope that never stops. They turn the cube space concept on its head.

We normally build space for people that gives them everything they "need" in about 150 square feet. By doing that we are encouraging / promoting sedentaryism. This furniture company says give up a little of the "me" space for more "we" space, right up my alley. Regardless of what job you do, people all work differently. You can't possibly be all things to all people in 150 square feet.

So we are close to unlocking a whole new way with the help of a crazy architect who thinks in ways I dream. We have some crazy furniture people who hold the execution key. We have some crazy senior leaders who have embraced and are committed to change. We have some crazy people who have history with us and are moving the day to day. And we have me and Kevin, two crazy brothers who want to give a gift to everyone that enables their passion and purpose. That's it, but that's a lot.

5 Things I Learned in Flo-Rida

I learned some really good stuff this past week during my trip to Florida for work.

1) I have to continue to lean against my tendency to not want to participate in the social side of work. There is so much value in having fun with people outside of the day to day. It builds a shared positive memory that connects you to something personal. It levels the playing field of who's who and what you do down to who you are and more importantly why you are.

2) Being given the mic is a serious responsibility and opportunity not to be taken lightly. I've gotten less nervous and more comfortable over the years through lots of practice being in these situations. Anytime you have a captive audience, even if only for a short moment in time, their time is a gift they are giving you, be purposeful with it.

3) I stink at beach Olympics. When it comes to sports, I've typically been a leader as a player, so when I find myself on a team of any kind, that side of me kicks in. However when it comes to work, my tendency as a leader is to try and optimize things which in the wrong situations, and without checks and balances, turns into over-thinking. I'm pretty sure I singlehandedly sabotaged a couple of events by coming up with outlandish ways to try and complete the challenge instead of just doing the task at hand. It would be equivalent to doing the 100 yard hurdle relay and I recommend that we dive head first over the hurdles and roll through the fall to keep momentum going. My brain desperately wants to find a better way and that has to be something I'm more aware and in control of because it can take something very easy and complicate it to the point of ridiculousness.

4) A lone nut can start a movement:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hO8MwBZl-Vc

5) It's the COuRagE it takes to "dance" like no one is watching that people connect with. Being good at it is definitely not required.