Today I learned... a lot

Today I am beat, a good tired and a hard tired. I started my day with a visit to my brain mechanic for a tune up. I had been on a pretty strict weekly maintenance schedule with him for about 3 years, but this holiday got away from me and not regularly getting together definitely caught up to me. I need this discipline in my life because without it my brain will short out.

Today I learned that I have so much work to do on myself. AND that it can be depressing if my perception of that work is off: ie. I am weak or not right in the head or don't need it. Nope, I am me in all my glory, a beautiful ruin. I am not a man who wants to stand alone but have been hurt most when standing with the wrong others. Consequently, I've found confidants in my wife, a couple of brain mechanics, my brothers and my kids. They have taught me how to trust again. They are the ones who show up with me at the "gym" every time I don't want to "work out". Today, I was reminded that I need them, and a couple more, period.

Today, I was reminded how, much like working out regularly, the hard work is nothing compared to the benefits. Today, I was reminded that this path of facing your shit is the harder path, it won't be easy or fun, but it is the path a person who wants to live a life fully awake with purpose takes. If I want that, I choose the pain.

Then, if that wasn't enough to take in before 8:00am, I worked with the crazy architect and crazy furniture people to continue rinsing the plans for the new facility. I can't believe how much better it gets every time we continue going over the same things. Unbelievably exhausting but again, just the drill if you are committed to process.

I came home early to give my last nugget of energy to my family and what I got instead was the most pure love a person could ever receive. No ulterior motive, no expectations, no conditions, just them, all of them. Their presence, support, smile, hugs, kisses, laughter, play - I sniffed it in like it was the sweetest perform I've ever smelt, deep long breathes with my eyes closed.