Are you smarter then a 4 year old?

So the other day we had a situation in our house where one of my two older children brought in a leaf from outside, broke it up into a hundred pieces and then left it on the coffee table.

Our first instinct led us to ask Miles if he did it because first of all he's a boy and second of all his typical response when he's caught doing something wrong to questions like "Why did you do that?" or "What were you thinking?" is "I don't know." while grabbing his lip or squirming around (terrible poker player). But when we asked him, he didn't do his guilty dance and just said it wasn't him. We then pulled in our sweet daughter Lily who never lies or never does anything like this and asked her the same question. She also denied the allegations.

Game on.

We stood them side by side and said that somebody better come clean and tell the truth. Miles getting the brunt of the pressure but we couldn't break him. We started to sense some unease from Lily and focused on her for a minute or two until she came clean and admitted to doing it. We immediately asked her, "What were your thinking?" and she replied, "I don't know." - not an acceptable answer.

I took her up to her room and tied all of this event to the story about the boy who cries wolf. She loves that story and is always fascinated by the boys' daring actions to lie but also curious what happened when the wolf did come and no one was there to rescue him. I told her that next time she tells me something, I might not believe her because she had lied and not been honest and trustworthy. This was the worst punishment she could have received and was very emotional about the thought of this.

"Check" - Daddy

I'm sure you are thinking "What's the point David, get on with it already!" Ok, so get this...

The next day (no joke), I was saying goodbye to everyone before I headed off to work and said that I would be home early since I had been working a couple of late nights recently. And off I went. When I got to work, low and behold I had my days mixed up and needed to go out to dinner with some collegues in from out of town. I called my wife, let her know, she was good with it and I thought that was that.

When I got home, right around the kids bed time, Lily was loaded for bear. She very matter of factly started telling me about how we don't lie to each other because then there is no way to believe what the other person is saying. I confusingly agreed with her because it almost felt like she was giving me the business but I hadn't lied to her.

Contraire Mon Frair - She told me that I shouldn't make promises I can't keep because really that is no different then lying. Looking at it that way, in all reality I did say that I would be home early, and with good reason or not, I didn't come home early so to her, I did lie and she called me out.

"Check" - Daughter

I looked at my 4 1/2 year old daughter in complete awe and amazement because she didn't just put 2 and 2 together, she applied reasoning and context to the concept of lying and the ramifications of not being honest and trustworthy. I got down at eye level with her and said that she is absolutly right - I shouldn't make promises I can't keep and if I'm not 100% sure what I'm saying is true, I should be honest and say I don't know.

Then the real beauty in all of this was that was all she needed to hear, all was forgiven and forgotten and never spoken of again.

"Checkmate" - BITE life.

I'm mental but too crazy to know it

My world as I knew it has recently been turned upside down. A couple of days before my wife and I were going to Ethiopia to get our daughter I started to get a sore throat, feel generally sick and consequently stopped eating and sleeping. The morning of our flight my mind began taking over with thoughts of fear and anxiety -

What if I get sick on the flight over?
What if I get more sick and they don't let me in the country?
What if I get sick in the country and need medical care?
Etc. Etc. Etc.

This thought process took over my ability to think rationally especially when I my body continued to show signs of not being well. So much so that when we got to the airport, I was feeling so sick (and scared about being sick) that my wife and I decided I should stay home.

WHAT THE F*CK! Are you kidding me? Is this really happening to me? Am I really going to abandon my wife at the airport and send her to a third world country all by herself to pick up our daughter? I must be loosing my mind.

Long story short, I kind of did. For years I have been bottling up anxiety and stress in unhealthy ways that when I was faced with a "big" situation, my body shut down as a defense mechanism because it could no longer handle the load. I have ignored the symptoms of stress / anxiety and also have not coped with the issues for 20+ years. The jig is up - time to face the truth.

What's the truth, I'm not really sure yet, but I do know this. How we process and deal with life affects our health and well-being. Ignoring things, blowing them off, not talking about how you are feeling, not being honest with yourself and the important people in your life - this can all lead to your body literally saying "no more".

I'm on my way to figuring out how to live a balanced, healthy, honest life. The key ingrediant is my wife. I've hidden my true self from her for years for fear she would be over-burdened by my crazy ways of thinking and dealing with stuff. For the first time in a long time, I'm letting her into my mental world and its scary but freeing as well. She is my rock, I can't imagine not having her as my partner working through rewiring my approach to stress and life in general.

So what happened with my wife and daughter? About 30 minutes before the flight took off, up walks my younger brother Kevin wearing a fleece sweatshirt and jeans with his passport in his back pocket. I looked at him and asked what he was doing - he said, "I'm going with your wife to pick up your daughter, everything is going to be OK. Go take care of yourself, I got this." And off they went.

I don't think many people in life get to truly experience first hand what it's like to have someone save your life. But at that moment, for me, it was a life or death decision that I go or don't go. My brother dove on the grenade so that I didn't have to go there - he gave me no option - let me off the hook so to speak. Now I still haven't let myself off the hook but I do know that I have never seen a more selfless act in all of my life here on earth and to walk around feeling sorry for myself would only deminish what he did for me.

Be well everyone, be well.
David