So I had a moment this morning that I hope I never forget. Julie had to take Miles to the pulmonologist and so I stayed home with Lily and Stella. As Lily puts it, "Dad, we get to have special Daddy / Daughters time! You love that don't you?" No answer needed.
The morning started off with Lily and I getting married and having a baby from Ethiopia. I of course was a prince and Lily was a peasant girl I fell in love with - which means she is now a princess and must dress like one. It never gets old. To look the part, she put on an old dance outfit she had from last year which doubled as her tooth fairy halloween custom accompanied by a sparkly tooth purse, a wand with silver streamers and a crown.
She asked me to put on a song so that she could dance for me. It was a magical moment. There, dancing before me, was my little angel. I could envision her dancing on her wedding day and praying that I will remember this moment. I wanted to remember how she danced... she danced honestly, whole-heartedly, sincerely and lovingly. She wasn't afraid or worried about how she looked, she was "all-in" in the moment.
I have a lot to learn from my kids. Talk about modeling the way... I could be so strong. I am so blessed.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
That's the deal...
So we went to Chicago for Christmas - it's an every other year kind of deal but it's still not easy. Transporting 3 kids and all the stuff they need to survive - mixed with Santa's WAY too generous giving - covered by a really dysfunctional mother/mother-in-law relationship... and well, it's just down right hard as hell.
Bono sings "Home is where the hurt is" in one of my favorite U2 songs WALK ON. But if you've ever seen U2 live you might have heard him change the lyrics a bit. Online people say they've heard him change out "hurt" for "heart", "your heart" or "my wife and kids". Funny how those all go together, right?
Home is where the 'good' hurt is - you know the struggles of parenting in general that while they are painful, they are just part of the job. Like sleep. My son snores and no one can sleep with him because it's loud and perpetual. Poor kid already outcast by his own family at 4. So the weekend was a rotating mess for Julie and I looking for any quiet place to catch a few zzz's.
Then you have the joys of a sixteen month old. Stella is at such a tough age to be at other people's houses, restaurants, church, pretty much any where. She is into everything and if she's not allowed to do what she wants, she knows how to shriek in a way that wakes up the non-living. Hurt.
Home is where the 'bad' hurt is - I don't want to go into specifics but if you or your spouse has a dysfunctional relationship with your parents, than you unfortunately know this hurt all too well. This 'bad' hurt is a sad hurt and one I also share. My only solace is that I'm going to work my ass off to break the cycle, the rest I can't control.
Home is where the heart, my heart, my wife and kids are - kids opening presents, eating cookies, playing with cousins. Me connecting with Julie's aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a white Christmas in Chicago and it was the kind of snow that sits on the trees. Julie and I agreed its one of the most beautiful things about Chicago.
We had a fairly low-key Christmas morning and naps came a little early - Daddy joined in. After naps Julie suggested I take Lily and Miles outside and build a snowman. Unfortunately it wasn't the packing kind of snow but that didn't stop Lily and Miles from playing on a snow plow pile. Julie unexpectedly came out to join us leaving Stella with Oma. And shortly thereafter, a couple of dad's with their daughters crossed our path on their way to a sledding hill. We followed along and had a magical time. Miles rolled down the hill like a log and Lily sledded with a her new friend Kate (a 5-year-old adopted from China :-). We chatted with two parents in the throes of the 'good' hurt as well but like us, decided to go find some love time.
It was amazing how this short 1 hour event restarted my energy, took all the hurt and turned it into heart. I'm still perplexed by this even as I try to write it down now. What is it? How'd that happen? How can I get more of it? I'm guessing the hurt / heart... love / pain... poison / wine theme has a little something to do with it. This past year I just started allowing the hurt and pain back into my life and the results... the heart and love are bigger and better than I could ever hope for.
So I get it now, more than I did yesterday but probably not more than I will in the future. Home is where the hurt is and home is where the heart is, that's the deal.
Salaam - David
Bono sings "Home is where the hurt is" in one of my favorite U2 songs WALK ON. But if you've ever seen U2 live you might have heard him change the lyrics a bit. Online people say they've heard him change out "hurt" for "heart", "your heart" or "my wife and kids". Funny how those all go together, right?
Home is where the 'good' hurt is - you know the struggles of parenting in general that while they are painful, they are just part of the job. Like sleep. My son snores and no one can sleep with him because it's loud and perpetual. Poor kid already outcast by his own family at 4. So the weekend was a rotating mess for Julie and I looking for any quiet place to catch a few zzz's.
Then you have the joys of a sixteen month old. Stella is at such a tough age to be at other people's houses, restaurants, church, pretty much any where. She is into everything and if she's not allowed to do what she wants, she knows how to shriek in a way that wakes up the non-living. Hurt.
Home is where the 'bad' hurt is - I don't want to go into specifics but if you or your spouse has a dysfunctional relationship with your parents, than you unfortunately know this hurt all too well. This 'bad' hurt is a sad hurt and one I also share. My only solace is that I'm going to work my ass off to break the cycle, the rest I can't control.
Home is where the heart, my heart, my wife and kids are - kids opening presents, eating cookies, playing with cousins. Me connecting with Julie's aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a white Christmas in Chicago and it was the kind of snow that sits on the trees. Julie and I agreed its one of the most beautiful things about Chicago.
We had a fairly low-key Christmas morning and naps came a little early - Daddy joined in. After naps Julie suggested I take Lily and Miles outside and build a snowman. Unfortunately it wasn't the packing kind of snow but that didn't stop Lily and Miles from playing on a snow plow pile. Julie unexpectedly came out to join us leaving Stella with Oma. And shortly thereafter, a couple of dad's with their daughters crossed our path on their way to a sledding hill. We followed along and had a magical time. Miles rolled down the hill like a log and Lily sledded with a her new friend Kate (a 5-year-old adopted from China :-). We chatted with two parents in the throes of the 'good' hurt as well but like us, decided to go find some love time.
It was amazing how this short 1 hour event restarted my energy, took all the hurt and turned it into heart. I'm still perplexed by this even as I try to write it down now. What is it? How'd that happen? How can I get more of it? I'm guessing the hurt / heart... love / pain... poison / wine theme has a little something to do with it. This past year I just started allowing the hurt and pain back into my life and the results... the heart and love are bigger and better than I could ever hope for.
So I get it now, more than I did yesterday but probably not more than I will in the future. Home is where the hurt is and home is where the heart is, that's the deal.
Salaam - David
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Courage, hope and plows...
So I'm a big fan of shrinks, everyone should get one if you don't already. I was chatting with mine (who I foundly call MF'er because he is always stirring shit up in me) this morning and mentioned my pursuit to learn more about hope. I told him that I just started to read (listen to) "If I get to 5: What children can teach us about courage and character" - a book written by a pediatric neurosurgen and the lessons young children taught him while fighting for their lives AND how these lessons helped him get through a traumatic brain injury in his 60's.
MF'er ANDED me with another report he'd read about adult cancer survivors. They interviewed 1,000 patients to get to know who they are and what they are about. After these evaluations they assigned characteristics to each person and waited for 5 years to asses who survived and what did they have in common.
Stubborness - Hopefull - Ornary... What a fuxinating combination, not what I expected.
To me these words mean:
Stubborness = not willing to compromise, strong willed
Hopefull = open minded and optimistic about potential goodness
Ornary = set in your ways
Put them all together and I heard that the people who beat cancer were strongly convicted in their belief that good 'things' WILL come their way AND they are not willing to believe any else in the face of struggle. How profound is that! It really hit me that I need more of this in my life. I'm not facing cancer but I am facing the reality that I'm not living the life I want to live - both are lethal in their own ways.
So hear me out David - continue on in courage, believe in the good, run after it like nothing else matters, and when you feel like all hope is lost, check yourself, lean on the ones you love and plow on.
MF'er ANDED me with another report he'd read about adult cancer survivors. They interviewed 1,000 patients to get to know who they are and what they are about. After these evaluations they assigned characteristics to each person and waited for 5 years to asses who survived and what did they have in common.
Stubborness - Hopefull - Ornary... What a fuxinating combination, not what I expected.
To me these words mean:
Stubborness = not willing to compromise, strong willed
Hopefull = open minded and optimistic about potential goodness
Ornary = set in your ways
Put them all together and I heard that the people who beat cancer were strongly convicted in their belief that good 'things' WILL come their way AND they are not willing to believe any else in the face of struggle. How profound is that! It really hit me that I need more of this in my life. I'm not facing cancer but I am facing the reality that I'm not living the life I want to live - both are lethal in their own ways.
So hear me out David - continue on in courage, believe in the good, run after it like nothing else matters, and when you feel like all hope is lost, check yourself, lean on the ones you love and plow on.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Right where I want to be...
So I’m an audio/visual savant, I just am. Wires, connections, optimizational settings are oddly my thing. It’s weird, I know, but at the same time it’s even fascinating to me how I just get it.
My wife has an iPod player in her car that is unique because when the car is turned off, the iPod turns off also. The problem is that the power to the player is suspect because of terrible design – it’s top-heavy so the weight pushes the plug down and the power comes and goes. I’ve taken the thing completely apart trying to figure out “a new way” and concluded that it’s going to take a “special connection”.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and popped into the Radio Shack and was met by a young man who was helpful in so much that he followed what I was saying and tried to find exactly what I asked for. They didn’t have it, so he sent me to some mega electronics store in Brentwood. Terrible service later, still nothing. I’d lost hope and conceded that this “special connection” wasn’t possible… that is until yesterday.
I needed to make a trip to a different Radio Shack because I needed a longer audio cord for the connection between the upstairs DVR and the downstairs TV (I rearranged the basement because spacial relations is also something I love to do). As I was pulling up I remembered an alternative idea I had towards making the iPod situation less frustrating for Julie so I grabbed the player on my in.
As usual, I was greeted by the sales associate upon entering, he found my audio cord and asked if I needed something else. I shared my story for the 3rd time and told him that I’d lost hope on the “special connection” and was just looking for a “not so great, but better than what I got” solution. He showed me to the elbow connectors and when I hemmed and hawed because it just wasn’t right, he asked for a moment and then walked into the backroom of the store.
While I was waiting, I tuned into the store manager who was sharing a story with another customer about an issue he helped try to fix with someone else. And while he was going through all of the possible solutions they tried he came up with another even better one and commented how he was going to call them back. It was obvious this guy loved his job.
Shortly thereafter, my sales associate returned with a “special connector” I’d never seen and shared my story to the manager who was now done with the other customer. They went back and forth (or rinsed and repeated if you will) and I was in awe. They did the whole, “what about this” and “could we do that” and “that would blow up his car” routine – it was right where I wanted to be. Their final recommendation included cutting wires and soldering, a little out of my comfort zone, but it was a new solution.
I gladly thanked them for the ideas and requested the specs of the “special connector” if it were made by someone who actually manufactured it legally. They obliged and even made a couple more suggestions for additional options to consider. I got in my car and felt rejuvenated about the new feeling I had, a feeling of hope.
These guys were a living example of hope – there are solutions, there are ways, you just need to spend the time working hard to find them (planking if you will). They could have rested at the, “nope we don’t have THAT cord”, but instead they challenged themselves to think harder, think differently, think a bit crazily.
Thank you Radio Shack dudes, you reminded me how inspiring it is to be around innovators. I will go there from now on because that is where I want to be, that is who I want to be, that is where the good shit is.
My wife has an iPod player in her car that is unique because when the car is turned off, the iPod turns off also. The problem is that the power to the player is suspect because of terrible design – it’s top-heavy so the weight pushes the plug down and the power comes and goes. I’ve taken the thing completely apart trying to figure out “a new way” and concluded that it’s going to take a “special connection”.
I was at the mall a couple of weeks ago and popped into the Radio Shack and was met by a young man who was helpful in so much that he followed what I was saying and tried to find exactly what I asked for. They didn’t have it, so he sent me to some mega electronics store in Brentwood. Terrible service later, still nothing. I’d lost hope and conceded that this “special connection” wasn’t possible… that is until yesterday.
I needed to make a trip to a different Radio Shack because I needed a longer audio cord for the connection between the upstairs DVR and the downstairs TV (I rearranged the basement because spacial relations is also something I love to do). As I was pulling up I remembered an alternative idea I had towards making the iPod situation less frustrating for Julie so I grabbed the player on my in.
As usual, I was greeted by the sales associate upon entering, he found my audio cord and asked if I needed something else. I shared my story for the 3rd time and told him that I’d lost hope on the “special connection” and was just looking for a “not so great, but better than what I got” solution. He showed me to the elbow connectors and when I hemmed and hawed because it just wasn’t right, he asked for a moment and then walked into the backroom of the store.
While I was waiting, I tuned into the store manager who was sharing a story with another customer about an issue he helped try to fix with someone else. And while he was going through all of the possible solutions they tried he came up with another even better one and commented how he was going to call them back. It was obvious this guy loved his job.
Shortly thereafter, my sales associate returned with a “special connector” I’d never seen and shared my story to the manager who was now done with the other customer. They went back and forth (or rinsed and repeated if you will) and I was in awe. They did the whole, “what about this” and “could we do that” and “that would blow up his car” routine – it was right where I wanted to be. Their final recommendation included cutting wires and soldering, a little out of my comfort zone, but it was a new solution.
I gladly thanked them for the ideas and requested the specs of the “special connector” if it were made by someone who actually manufactured it legally. They obliged and even made a couple more suggestions for additional options to consider. I got in my car and felt rejuvenated about the new feeling I had, a feeling of hope.
These guys were a living example of hope – there are solutions, there are ways, you just need to spend the time working hard to find them (planking if you will). They could have rested at the, “nope we don’t have THAT cord”, but instead they challenged themselves to think harder, think differently, think a bit crazily.
Thank you Radio Shack dudes, you reminded me how inspiring it is to be around innovators. I will go there from now on because that is where I want to be, that is who I want to be, that is where the good shit is.
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