That's the deal...

So we went to Chicago for Christmas - it's an every other year kind of deal but it's still not easy. Transporting 3 kids and all the stuff they need to survive - mixed with Santa's WAY too generous giving - covered by a really dysfunctional mother/mother-in-law relationship... and well, it's just down right hard as hell.

Bono sings "Home is where the hurt is" in one of my favorite U2 songs WALK ON. But if you've ever seen U2 live you might have heard him change the lyrics a bit. Online people say they've heard him change out "hurt" for "heart", "your heart" or "my wife and kids". Funny how those all go together, right?

Home is where the 'good' hurt is - you know the struggles of parenting in general that while they are painful, they are just part of the job. Like sleep. My son snores and no one can sleep with him because it's loud and perpetual. Poor kid already outcast by his own family at 4. So the weekend was a rotating mess for Julie and I looking for any quiet place to catch a few zzz's.

Then you have the joys of a sixteen month old. Stella is at such a tough age to be at other people's houses, restaurants, church, pretty much any where. She is into everything and if she's not allowed to do what she wants, she knows how to shriek in a way that wakes up the non-living. Hurt.

Home is where the 'bad' hurt is - I don't want to go into specifics but if you or your spouse has a dysfunctional relationship with your parents, than you unfortunately know this hurt all too well. This 'bad' hurt is a sad hurt and one I also share. My only solace is that I'm going to work my ass off to break the cycle, the rest I can't control.

Home is where the heart, my heart, my wife and kids are - kids opening presents, eating cookies, playing with cousins. Me connecting with Julie's aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a white Christmas in Chicago and it was the kind of snow that sits on the trees. Julie and I agreed its one of the most beautiful things about Chicago.

We had a fairly low-key Christmas morning and naps came a little early - Daddy joined in. After naps Julie suggested I take Lily and Miles outside and build a snowman. Unfortunately it wasn't the packing kind of snow but that didn't stop Lily and Miles from playing on a snow plow pile. Julie unexpectedly came out to join us leaving Stella with Oma. And shortly thereafter, a couple of dad's with their daughters crossed our path on their way to a sledding hill. We followed along and had a magical time. Miles rolled down the hill like a log and Lily sledded with a her new friend Kate (a 5-year-old adopted from China :-). We chatted with two parents in the throes of the 'good' hurt as well but like us, decided to go find some love time.

It was amazing how this short 1 hour event restarted my energy, took all the hurt and turned it into heart. I'm still perplexed by this even as I try to write it down now. What is it? How'd that happen? How can I get more of it? I'm guessing the hurt / heart... love / pain... poison / wine theme has a little something to do with it. This past year I just started allowing the hurt and pain back into my life and the results... the heart and love are bigger and better than I could ever hope for.

So I get it now, more than I did yesterday but probably not more than I will in the future. Home is where the hurt is and home is where the heart is, that's the deal.

Salaam - David