Get it? Got it? Done

One thing that always lights me up is when I see someone "get it".  You know, the moment when someone realizes a significant truth or reality that they couldn't or didn't want to before.  That is such a powerful moment filled with the best shit on earth... HOPE!  The kicker with most of these moment's is that they are just that, a fleeting moment. One that comes and goes with the next thing to distract from the newly found truth that probably equates to some hard ass work to fix.  Gosh, I hate that reality, frustrates the piss out of me.

Last week I got to see someone right in the throws of "getting it".  She told a story about some leadership training and how it's been far more than what she expected.  The tone in her voice reflected the difference.  She told me how "feedback" has a whole new meaning to her because of how it was presented, funny huh?  Some information she's been hearing for her entire career, finally was recieved because of how it was given.  CRAY.  She said that the feedback which came from her boss, peers and direct reports was presented to her with a bow on it, literally.  The facilitator prepped the group by saying true feedback is a gift if you accept it and let it in.  Hot damn, sign me up for some of that!  This person, normally a pillar of professionalizm because "there's no crying in retail", showed me emotion for the first time and it was magic.

She simply admitted that she "got it" and wants to change... not many words spoken will ever rival the courage it takes to say something like that.  God help me be so courageous.  God help me be an example of living with a strong core AND open to grow and learn and improve.  God help me to "get it" more and then have the strength to "get it done".

Julie joined us...

One of the reasons I originally started this blog was to write about stuff that I often take for granted but are actually things I love about the every day life. My first post was about showering, nothing like a nice warm shower. Today, I have two words for you... family nap.

We got home late last night from a magical Christmas Eve with Julie's extended family and of course we were up early upon discovering Santa had stopped by to do his thing. Everyone was happy and so was I. Julie went to church with the kids, her mother and brother while Auntie and I stayed behind. We talked religion, politics and other taboo topics because we're close like that. We met up for breakfast and then were home by noon. We still had gifts for each other so Lily played the role of Santa and handed them out one at a time. Just like Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, the laughs and smiles were bountiful.

Around 2 o'clock there was no more gifts and some heavy eyes so the kids and I all laid down for an afternoon winter siesta. To my surprise Julie joined us. She NEVER partakes in these times of selfish delight because she always has something to do. Today was different and today was magic, all 5 of the GuatOpians laid together for a family nap. All was calm, all was right.

And now we eat.

A vacuum and some boogie...

My Christmas started this morning with a quick little exchange of a few gifts before we headed to Chicago. Each kid got a little something and Julie thought that would be that knowing I am notoriously bad at buying gifts. I stood up and said, "kids come with me" to Julie's dismay. As we headed down stairs Lily looked up at me and said,
Dad, did you actually get mom something?...
Yep...
Yeah Daddy, good job! What did you get her?...
A vacuum...
Wha? A vacuum? Dad, that's for cleaning. Mom likes things that sparkle like jewelry...
{I paused for a second, totally second guessing myself but replied confidently}
No, it's a REALLY special one, she'll love it!

Sure enough she squealed with joy (probably because the date on the gift recent was a good 2 weeks ago and I actually got her something, albeit a vacuum - I love my wife). I pulled another gift (Apple TV) from behind my back to complete my 1-2 punch.

We took our time getting ready, loaded up the car and hit the road around noon. If I told you I used to dread these trips to Chicago I'd be understating my feelings. However, they've actually become really fun family time. Over the years we've learned OUR way. The kids like their shoes off, something soft to snuggle with, water bottles, books, and something under their seat so there feet don't just hang (sans Stella, she props her feet up on the back of my chair). They truly love the time, to them it's a magical adventure and to me it became that too.

As I'm laying here on my MIL's couch, I can't help but think how lucky in am things have changed, I have changed. Our time here isn't always good, probably hardly ever, but to my kids it's a magical adventure. I think I'll live there, in that thought, why not? I'm learning from them that what attitude I bring to the Chicago table matters. Miles summed it up best, "Dad, I love staying at Oma's. It's like a party!" With that, lets boogie...

Body and Soul Regulations...

It's been a really weird couple of days.  I guess you could say that for most days that are out of the norm, but these are different.  I came home Tuesday from work and within an hour was laying in bed under multiple blankets shivering.  I can't remember the last time I had a temperature like that, nor what it feels like.  It's really quite bizarre, your body is burning up but you feel like you're freezing.

I looked it up and the best I could understand is that your internal thermostat considers 98.6 normal and externally regulates accordingly.  So when you're out in the cold it tells your body to shiver and warm up, when you're hot it tells the sweat glands to activate and help cool you down.  However, when your temperature gets out of whack, your internal thermostat now considers that the new normal and then basically regulates the same way. In my case it was saying "normal" is 103 so I better shiver and warm up because my skin is cooler than it should be.  Crazy right?  What's also just as cray is that when your fever breaks and you start sweating, it's because your skin temperature climbs high enough from all of the shivering and blankets while your internal temperature starts to drop, so the signal to the system is to sweat and cool yourself off.  Cray cray.  I love how the body works, so purposeful, it's hard to comprehend anything other than a Creator had much to do with it all.

Then Wednesday I got a couple of calls in the morning that I missed but caught up with me later.  The short of it is that a friend's 15 year old daughter committed suicide.  When the words came out of my wife's mouth I thought maybe she said, "Blah, blah, blah, blah" so I shook my head and asked her to repeat it.  She obliged and added, "I'm really sorry."  I've spent the last 24 hours trying to understand why stuff like this happens, how will my friend ever survive and what in the world could I possibly do.

All the answers I come to suck, I hate life's truths sometimes.  Shit happens because it just does.  My friend will only survive in some ways, a part of him died and he will hurt for the rest of his life.  I can do absolutely nothing for him to take away the pain.  Knowing this, I sent him a text saying, "I'm so sorry Jim." He replied awhile later with, "Thanks David, send prayers." I have to tell you that response was a tough one for many reasons.  I didn't send my thoughts to be thanked for them and so I felt selfish. Then he asked me to "send prayers." Of all the things one could need in times like this, he was asked for prayers.  Prayer by definition is a deliberate invocation that seeks to activate rapport with (in this case) God. He asked that I call on God for him... humbling request.

So as I've been coming out of the fog of being sick and shock of the news, I've been faced with some deep questions of my own.  Is the Creator who made my body the same God Jimmy wants me to pray to?  For years now they've been very separate to me. Is it possible that our souls were designed as purposefully as our bodies?  Is it possible Jimmy's internal thermostat on his soul is out of whack and crying out for some type of regulation from the same creator who built our bodies to do it naturally?  Maybe, probably, hopefully... certainly not an answer I have right now.  But what I do know is that I love my friend more than my desire to be sure so tonight I send a prayer.

enCOuRagEment...

So my week hadn't started off all that well.  I'm not sure if it's the holidays or my job or me... check that, it's just me.  Yesterday I got someone else's shit dumped on me first thing, then heard about some serious shit another is dealing with, and add on my own shit and it's a pretty good recipe for a shitty day.  However, there were 3 moments that seared / saved me yesterday and another already this morning.  I'm guessing the "senders" might not even know they helped, but I sure felt it.  They gave me enCOuRagEment - a fucking magical thing if you let it in.

The first came from a long-time rudder building courage in me to write more - check.  The second came from a strong professional who is growing in confidence regardless of title - crazy growth happening with this one - she reminded me of the big picture and how we've had a great year considering all the shit that's been thrown our way. In fact, I went into her office again this morning for just a little more of that and it flowed naturally.  The third came from my oldest friend and confidant, one who has been with me through it all, literally from the beginning.  He reminded me, as he often does because it's his tendency that all's good.

For me, my tendency is was that, all's not good. Rumination, anxiety, worry are all where my brain wants to go.  I've learned and accepted this within the last couple of years and worked my ass off trying to build a strong inner core that matters... to me.  What's been amazing about this journey is how easy it is to get off track and on the flip side how a little enCOuRagEment goes a long way in bringing my CORE back into focus.

What a good thing to know, what a hard thing to let in.  God help me take in more courage from others so that I can continue to grow and hopefully give a little back.