Damn life...

So I asked a relatively new hire to tell me about how he came to work with us because this guy is something special and I needed to know more. Sure enough, the story was as special as him.

While still at his old job, a company had tried to lure him away by basically creating a position for him. The timing wasn't right, it was in Chicago and all in all he was happy, so no need to change. Fast forward a year or so later and being contacted once again, but this time he's unemployed. They reminded him that this position was literally created for him. Threw everything and the kitchen sink at him: title, money, dream job. One big problem, his dream job was not aligned with his dream life.

Obviously relocating is a seriously big deal, but then again so is being handed your dream job on a silver platter. What would I do? I hope this... After lots of conversations with his wife, it came down to the night before he had to let them know. He said the discussions were different than before, a lot less passionate, more serious, thoughtful and "real", the good shit.

It's obvious what the decision was but what seared me was his 'why', something even his wife was surprised by. Remember, he said that night they were really talking, not yelling, not overly passionate, they were going deep, major gut check time. His wife described how their future might play out with her parents who were getting older. Because of this, the decision was clear, his dream job was going to compromise his dream life.

The next day she had come to support him and agreed to "make it work", however he let her know he had already decided to not take the job. When he was telling me this story, my mouth was wide open in shock and silent in awe (rare, I know). He said that after he called them to decline the position, he got emotional - his dream job vs. dream life. Damn life, a person of that character deserves both.

Still in awe, he smiled at me and suggested he was glad it all worked out the way it did. Not sure how that can be true but I've got no reason to doubt. I do have reason to take this opportunity to learn about what it takes, how hard it can be, to live your dream life. And I do have responsibility to not take his choice for granted and be as committed as he is, and several others in our division, to making the hard and right choices.

People like these are what keep me going, God help me to have this courage and strength when facing such a big decision. God help me to be aware and awake so that I give back as much to others as they have given to me.

Ride the wave...

One thing I'm glad I learned is that with change comes a little bit of chaos.  Accepting this concept helped me embrace the "pain" of change because by definition, change disrupts, re-routes, alters - all of which usually has a domino effect and cascades into some variation of "CRAY". My tendency prior to learning this concept was to try and settle things down, get them back in order, manage/control the situation. Now, I ride the wave.  Its not easy and I'm not great at it (yet) but I am getting better.

This learning helped me at work and home.  At work, it gave me the courage to make changes that I knew would be painful and cause a lot of CRAY, but what we're starting to see grow from the change is already making us stronger, smarter, more diverse and able to go farther than I originally thought.  At home, I've become a better husband and father because I changed, not them.  I embraced my contribution to the "pain" most marriages have and chose to change.  That created some CRAY internal chaos in my head.  I forced myself to look in the mirror and ask the hard questions, who am I really and how far is that from who I want to be.  Then, I asked others (mainly my rudders) what they saw and that was when it got CRAY-CRAY.

Today, I'm sitting at the island in my kitchen on a Monday afternoon.  So what right?  For me, this is a much needed change.  Life with 3 kids is CRAY-CRAY-CRAY. There are times when I need to be flexible with work so that I can be around to help when one more CRAY comes into play.  Today, that's getting the furnace replaced... today, it's a sick wife who needs a little break in the middle of the day... today, I leave town for a couple of days.

Today was hard trying focus when my daughter wants to watch Kung Fu Panda and my son wants to play Legos. Today I saw how CRAY life is at home and how my "re-entry" into the family unit after work needs to be purposeful and seamless, not disruptive.  Today, I rode the wave and I liked it.

Rudders

Last week I was reminded by one of my "rudders" that I still have a lot of work to do and probably always will. You see, three years ago I realized that I was far from being the person I thought and farther from living the life I wanted. If I was going to change, I needed a few people in my life to help keep me on course, hold me accountable and tell me the truth I can't see.

Having "rudders" is hard because you have to trust them so much that when they tell you things you don't like, don't believe, don't want, you still listen and change. This was such a tough thing for me to do because I was "built" on learning and figuring things out all on my own. However, 'on my own' usually creates blind spots, here's one...

After months of rinsing and repeating, I finalized version 1.0 of my LIFE opus. A critical realization I had while working on it was that I had to prioritize myself if I was going to be the husband, father and friend I wanted to be. The three critical pieces of prioritizing my self are: 1) seek wisdom and truth, 2) live with purpose, courage and an open mind, 3) continue learning, evolving and growing my mind and body.

Fortunately one of my rudders really read my opus and took his role in my life to heart. He reminded me that I say it's important to learn, evolve and grow my body, yet I was not. This is why rudders are needed and they suck. He was right, I was not doing the thing I wrote to live the life I want. I committed to him that I would either write down specific things that I will actually regularly do to live this or I'd take it off my opus altogether. Having something written on there and not doing it is nothing short of lying to myself about who I literally am compared to who want to be.

Good shit and tough shit.

Fuxinating

Today another person at work found my blog by searching the Internet for a word I often use when describing something that is beyond fascinating, it's fucking fascinating, or as I say, "fuxinating". I suppose this was bound to happen sooner or later since I say it with such confidence and an assumption it's not only a real word but that others should know exactly what it means. Obnoxious, I know.

What's cool is that I had kind of forgotten about this blog and how much I needed to continue writing and reminding myself about the Beauty In The Everyday LIFE. For me, writing is a discipline and something I'm not very good at but it seers my brain in ways not much else really does.

And so, as life often presents forks in the road, little changes like this, I'm going to step into it knowing my writing might be read by others. It won't change much but then again it does. We'll see how it goes, this will be fuxinating!

Life OPUS

I've been working on my self for a couple of years now. Really looking into who I am, why I am and what I want to be. It's been gruling work, the hardest I've ever done. I want to share my work with you for a couple of reasons.

1) I'm damn proud of it - I've come a long way since Christmas of 2009,
2) I'm still a work in process and want to be continually grown by those who really know me - I want that to be you.
3) I want to look back at this post in 5, 10, 15 years to track my growth and progress.

I started working on defining and building my core... the things that are at the center of all things me. This process of self discovery provided clarity into who I am and what I believe. I call the document my sCORE.

Once I did that work, I was able to see more clearly what I want to do with my life... my Overarching Purpose & Unique Selfhoods... my Life OPUS.

Salaam.